you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
