The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
