Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
