Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize