Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
