onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
