summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
