I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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