guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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