i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm like, not good at living.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
