You just made me feel so damn special
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
