My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
