lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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