I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
