if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This gyro tastes like lonliness
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
These tits shall not be calmed
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
