how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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