I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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