I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Come on in and take your pants off
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