If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
