DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
