What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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