Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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