Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
