Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
