Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i need some magic done to my vagina
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
