My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
