I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
