I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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