Ambien. No doubt about it.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
