Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I need to calm my uterus...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
