It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
