I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
