Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
