Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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