Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
