Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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