Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
