I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
