Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
