careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
