You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
