so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Randomize
