State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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