here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
