I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
