I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
