I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
