This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
