70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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