It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
