My balls are so social today.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
