Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
