there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
