I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We are all done wearing pants today
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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