I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
