He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
