Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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