Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
