Already got asked if we're dating
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
