I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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