I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
