I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
