There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
