Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize