he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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