what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
