So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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