i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
