Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
