the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
