Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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