Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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