I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize