goodnight i made you a song goodbye
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
