she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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