Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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