I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
