Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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