so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
