i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
