This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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