I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
