i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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