my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize