just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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