Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize