hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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