what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
