I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
