I wish I could teleport
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
