update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
