Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
