I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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