i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
4 words: hood of his car
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
