Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
