my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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