Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
