listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
