you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
