This is not my ceiling
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
